Blowing off steam, compliments of not-free incoming calls

Sometime ago I worked with a great friend with whom I stayed in contact.  I know, stay with me.  Anyway, I got the 800 number for her company and used it to chat with her on occasion.  Nothing horrible.  We didn’ t fleece the company or anything.  So once I mis-dialed the number and got some guys’ cell.  Why it was an 800 number I do not know.  He didn’t sound very business-y.  He was really short with me, which is ok, fine.  Uncalled for, though.  It doesn’t take any effort to not be a douche.  So I redialed and got him again, still by accident.  This time he recognized my voice and yelled “Get the F*() off my phone!” and hung up.

Let the games begin.

From that point, anytime I was feeling annoyed at work I would call him and waste his time and incoming minutes.  Repeatedly.  I would also put his number into any web form that I thought might actually use to call me.  In the same way, I use spam@[websitei'mat].com for my email address.  And guess what?  It’s often already in the system.  But I digress.

So the moral of this story is don’t be a douche.  It doesn’t take time or effort to simply not be a jerk.  And if you are and your number ends up on some list somewhere, maybe you’ll know why.  Just sayin.

Travel and interwebs. Haven for jerks.

Two quick things. First, there’s a recipe for trampling that begins like this: “Passengers needing extra time to board or travelling with small children, and all First Class paggengers are welcome to board at this time.”

This translates into a bunch of jerks cutting off a woman with a stroller, in some cases looking at her trying to get into “line” (a term I put in quotes as it is so much more akin to a seething blob of huma-cattle) only long enough to make sure their briefcase and wheelie bags don’t hit her. Or maybe they thought she was horning in on their stuff. Not sure. Don’t care. Point is, they didn’t have the decency to let her go first with her kid. It’s kind of like the sign in the T that urges passengers to let pregnant women sit first. Sheesh!

Second, people online are jerks. They post nasty comments* and troll forums. Get a blog and rant in it, like this. Kick puppies on your own time. *grump*

*So far comments here have been pretty nice, and I appreciate that.  I’m actually talking about comments on other blogs that are legitimate and add value to the world’s knowledge.  But if you need to blow off steam, this is the place.

Rant possibilities unlimited!

I start a new corporate-type job in a few weeks. I’ve met my new boss and toured the place. Looks to be pretty typical cube-farm, except with flip-flops on people’s feet. This is promising. The rest, not so much. I couldn’t even dream of windows at my cube anyway, so that’s a wash, but I was hoping for a light bulb over it at least. It’s kind of like a casino: constant semi-darkness and no clocks. But I’ll be paid hourly, yet cannot exceed 40, so that should be interesting. Furthermore, it’s right on the river, so worst case scenario I can run out and throw myself into it if the need arises. Distinct possibility.

So far it seems like your basic CF: I’ll have 2 bosses in actuality, one from my “parent” company, one for the company to whom I’m contracted. I’ll have 2 holiday schedules to deal with, and a bunch of policies at my parent company that date to the fifties. Women can wear culottes if they have the appearance of a skirt. Oh, goody. I wonder if my apron will be optional, too.

Communication seems pretty thin, and the job description seemed pretty undefined once I got in there. The job I was offered sounds now vastly different than the reality. Well, it gets me working, paying the bills, and otherwise gainful. And isn’t that what it’s all about? You’re not worth anything if you don’t have a dollar sign next to your head. And they’d better be big dollar signs, too, dad gummit. Small ones mean you’re not trying hard enough to succeed. How else can you be happy, slacker?

I can’t wait for my first sick day, which will count as a vacation day. As will the second. The third day I’m sick, though, that’s when the payoff comes, boy! Freebie!! Oh, except none of that can happen until 90 days in. Well, here’s hoping for good health through the new year! Hrm.

One week in part-time hell

Alrighty, America.  First of all, to those of you who say hello back to cashiers, who ask how they’re feeling today, and who realize the cashier might JUST MIGHT be a person, too:  thank you.  You realize that being a cashier does not make me less a person. You realize that you, too, could be standing right here, and doing what I do is just a job.  It pays the bills.  Poorly, and without 60-inch plasma flair, but it does.  You can see that, in short, it’s just something to do.

For those of you who are total d-bags, screw you.  Yeah, you, lady.  The one who couldn’t spare a smile, walked away with that sour look on your face.  Know what?  Your daughter had that same look on her face.  I smiled at her and she didn’t know what to do.   She honestly was unprepared for human connections.  At 11 or 12, she had no clue how to deal with a simple smile.  Way to parent, ho.  Guess what?  I got so many compliments from people, just because I know how to smile.  The world loves and is refreshed by humanity.  I’ve got it, and you don’t.  I rant here, where you can’t see my face.  The rest of the time, once I’ve blown off this steam, I’m Susie Sunshine and I mean it.  I’m the effing Pollyanna of the real world, even if in cyberspace I’m the ultimate pre-hallucinative Scrooge.

I hope I see each and every one of you walk into my store, and my other job, too.  I hope my earnest smile grinds your soul into dust and makes you feel like a shell of a person, questioning your existence in this work-a-day, dog-eat-dog world.  At the end of my smile, I know I’m changing all that to a better place.  Maybe even a place where my rants cease, and iRant becomes only iRave.  So close to the anniversary of 9/11, I’m glad to be the one smiling and making the solution, rather than contributing to the grey cloud stretching across the rest of our buoyant souls.  I’m not crushed yet, and I won’t be.  I’m the one you want fighting for this, so bring it, beyotch.  Bring your unsmiling self and your unprepared daughter.  I’ll school you both.

A rave: best boss ever

Let’s spread some good vibes for once.

So during the time at my company pre-splutter boss, I had a good boss.  I had a great boss.  And that was coming after 2 other good bosses.  I guess I really started to take them all for granted.  So here’s to the final good boss, and here are some details for good measure:

Exhibit A: During a particularly heinous rollout, I call in and say I can’t come in, but note that I’m not sick.  He understands completely and encourages me to do something fun that day.

Exhibit B: Takes whole department for long lunches on the company, to celebrate… um… today’ll be our holiday party, ok everyone?

Exhibit C: Asks after my ailing mother and reminds me that if I need to take time off, do so.

Exhibit D: Scolds me for taking unpaid leave.  Tells me I should have talked to him first and we’d work out “comp time” or “something”.  No, that’s not sexual.  It’s him understanding that I’d worked many long and unpaid hours to that point. And being a freaking human.

Exhibit E: Gave me two great lines to live by: “It is what it is” and “it’s all play money anyway.”  The first line helps me accept pretty much anything that sucks and also steer conversations that would otherwise derail into “but why?” fests.  The second I realized was true back in college, and forgot along the way.  Money isn’t everything and is only useful while we’re here.  Use it.  Enjoy it with family and friends.  I never regretted spending money on travel, my big ticket item.  I never will regret it.  I had forgotten that somewhere and he reminded me.

Exhibit F: Is still in touch and genuinely cares.  I’m not his employee anymore.  He doesn’t have to encourage me to get a better product out of me.  Turns out, all that encouragement and support back then was just him being him.  Good stuff.

Worst boss ever, Exhibit J.

This’ll be in flashback format*. First, the exhibit: during exit interview, boss says “I have no feedback at this time,” when I ask for it. Has the nads to tell me he’d be a reference for me, though, as he shook my hand at the elevator door.

*So maybe I should back up a bit in my story. All that time I had for travelling and consulting? Not so much voluntarily. Here’s what happened.

I’m in technology. I run websites and software that support them and their contents (CMS, CRM, online marketing crud, servers. Shiz like that). I did this remotely for three years of the five I worked for my last company. I had a great boss. Really great. I should post a rave about him, in fact. Our company was acquired and out went the whole IT department, my boss included. The other guys got smart and jetted. I felt like a severence package would be fine with me, and inwardly cackled that they’d neeever figure out my system, customized to the hilts.

During my first meet-n-greet with the new IT director and my boss, (incidentally where he first shows his ineptitude for the position.) I let him know how I came to be a remote employee, etc etc. I also tell him that if the distance ever becomes an issue, I’d like for him to ask me to consider locating back. (No, you can’t re-re-locate. They cancel out. It’s math; trust me.) Anyway. He says he will.

Almost two years later, he’s got me in an office with the head of HR and they’re giving me COBRA information. *spin* The story is my position has been “eliminated.” The boss lets it slip that they no longer have a need for a “remote” person in my position. Aha. Any questions? Oh, where to begin. How about “so, when you said you’d let me make a decision on moving back, that was full of crap, right?” How about, “when you hired that consultant who did a job eerily similar to mine and you said she was temporary, you meant she was temporarily a consultant and would soon be a full time employee, or perhaps that any of our right to question her was temporary and would soon be revoked, right?” Or maybe, “exactly when do you not lie straight faced?”

Ok, deal with it, Rhapsody. You got your sev package. You got your UE for 6 months. What more do you want? Well, I wanted to know if I could have done my job any differently. As my most recent boss, does he have any feedback for me? “I have no feedback at this time.”

Blink. That’s it? You worked with me for over two years and you have nothing for me to take away? No shoulda-dones or you-did-this-rights? Nope. Oh, but somehow, without any feedback I’ll be happy to be a reference for you. Blink. Maybe that’s a canned line you say to someone as you shake their hand and confirm they leave the premises. Oh! Maybe he’s a robot! That would explain so much.

Prime directive: decimate department and lower morale. Mission accomplished!
Be compassionate with employees. Does not compute! Does not compute!

Dag. My robots are dumb.