Rant possibilities unlimited!

I start a new corporate-type job in a few weeks. I’ve met my new boss and toured the place. Looks to be pretty typical cube-farm, except with flip-flops on people’s feet. This is promising. The rest, not so much. I couldn’t even dream of windows at my cube anyway, so that’s a wash, but I was hoping for a light bulb over it at least. It’s kind of like a casino: constant semi-darkness and no clocks. But I’ll be paid hourly, yet cannot exceed 40, so that should be interesting. Furthermore, it’s right on the river, so worst case scenario I can run out and throw myself into it if the need arises. Distinct possibility.

So far it seems like your basic CF: I’ll have 2 bosses in actuality, one from my “parent” company, one for the company to whom I’m contracted. I’ll have 2 holiday schedules to deal with, and a bunch of policies at my parent company that date to the fifties. Women can wear culottes if they have the appearance of a skirt. Oh, goody. I wonder if my apron will be optional, too.

Communication seems pretty thin, and the job description seemed pretty undefined once I got in there. The job I was offered sounds now vastly different than the reality. Well, it gets me working, paying the bills, and otherwise gainful. And isn’t that what it’s all about? You’re not worth anything if you don’t have a dollar sign next to your head. And they’d better be big dollar signs, too, dad gummit. Small ones mean you’re not trying hard enough to succeed. How else can you be happy, slacker?

I can’t wait for my first sick day, which will count as a vacation day. As will the second. The third day I’m sick, though, that’s when the payoff comes, boy! Freebie!! Oh, except none of that can happen until 90 days in. Well, here’s hoping for good health through the new year! Hrm.

One week in part-time hell

Alrighty, America.  First of all, to those of you who say hello back to cashiers, who ask how they’re feeling today, and who realize the cashier might JUST MIGHT be a person, too:  thank you.  You realize that being a cashier does not make me less a person. You realize that you, too, could be standing right here, and doing what I do is just a job.  It pays the bills.  Poorly, and without 60-inch plasma flair, but it does.  You can see that, in short, it’s just something to do.

For those of you who are total d-bags, screw you.  Yeah, you, lady.  The one who couldn’t spare a smile, walked away with that sour look on your face.  Know what?  Your daughter had that same look on her face.  I smiled at her and she didn’t know what to do.   She honestly was unprepared for human connections.  At 11 or 12, she had no clue how to deal with a simple smile.  Way to parent, ho.  Guess what?  I got so many compliments from people, just because I know how to smile.  The world loves and is refreshed by humanity.  I’ve got it, and you don’t.  I rant here, where you can’t see my face.  The rest of the time, once I’ve blown off this steam, I’m Susie Sunshine and I mean it.  I’m the effing Pollyanna of the real world, even if in cyberspace I’m the ultimate pre-hallucinative Scrooge.

I hope I see each and every one of you walk into my store, and my other job, too.  I hope my earnest smile grinds your soul into dust and makes you feel like a shell of a person, questioning your existence in this work-a-day, dog-eat-dog world.  At the end of my smile, I know I’m changing all that to a better place.  Maybe even a place where my rants cease, and iRant becomes only iRave.  So close to the anniversary of 9/11, I’m glad to be the one smiling and making the solution, rather than contributing to the grey cloud stretching across the rest of our buoyant souls.  I’m not crushed yet, and I won’t be.  I’m the one you want fighting for this, so bring it, beyotch.  Bring your unsmiling self and your unprepared daughter.  I’ll school you both.

A rave: best boss ever

Let’s spread some good vibes for once.

So during the time at my company pre-splutter boss, I had a good boss.  I had a great boss.  And that was coming after 2 other good bosses.  I guess I really started to take them all for granted.  So here’s to the final good boss, and here are some details for good measure:

Exhibit A: During a particularly heinous rollout, I call in and say I can’t come in, but note that I’m not sick.  He understands completely and encourages me to do something fun that day.

Exhibit B: Takes whole department for long lunches on the company, to celebrate… um… today’ll be our holiday party, ok everyone?

Exhibit C: Asks after my ailing mother and reminds me that if I need to take time off, do so.

Exhibit D: Scolds me for taking unpaid leave.  Tells me I should have talked to him first and we’d work out “comp time” or “something”.  No, that’s not sexual.  It’s him understanding that I’d worked many long and unpaid hours to that point. And being a freaking human.

Exhibit E: Gave me two great lines to live by: “It is what it is” and “it’s all play money anyway.”  The first line helps me accept pretty much anything that sucks and also steer conversations that would otherwise derail into “but why?” fests.  The second I realized was true back in college, and forgot along the way.  Money isn’t everything and is only useful while we’re here.  Use it.  Enjoy it with family and friends.  I never regretted spending money on travel, my big ticket item.  I never will regret it.  I had forgotten that somewhere and he reminded me.

Exhibit F: Is still in touch and genuinely cares.  I’m not his employee anymore.  He doesn’t have to encourage me to get a better product out of me.  Turns out, all that encouragement and support back then was just him being him.  Good stuff.

Blacklisting puffy and fluffy

Look, “puffy” and “fluffy” are not terms appropriate to a scientific discovery.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060914/ap_on_sc/puffy_planet_1

Astronomers find distant, fluffy planet

Sorry. That doesn’t fly. Neither does the line “along with a second, smaller distant world that’s also puffier than theories would have predicted.”  Puffier than theories predicted?  Never the twain shall meet!
Are verbal standards really so low now that we have to say “puffy” and “fluffy” instead of “less dense” or perhaps even “lighter weight”. Of course, maybe then we’d have to talk about mass versus weight, and that just won’t do.

Is this choice of words so that people who ordinarily would have ignored the discovery of a new planet would take note, perhaps thinking some new fad in planets has made Jupiter the new Earth?  It’s totally orange and pink.  And have you checked out that storm?  So dramatic.  I wouldn’t wear that storm during the day, but it’s ok because planets only come out at night… like, right?

Come on, guys. Planets don’t resemble pink fuzzy accessories. They are not named “Fifi”. They are not puffy and fluffy. Ever.

Release a virus to kill pesty fish?

Bad idea jeans.  Scientists in Australia are thinking of killing pest koi in their rivers by releasing a virus. Haven’t they learned by seeing how introduced species — like the rabbit, the cane toad, and now the carp — is a BAD idea with serious repercussions?  Have they not watched ANY sci-fi movies??  Jurassic Park, Terminator(s), Resident Evil.  Dudes, science goes wrong.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/20060910/sc_space/scientistsponderreleasingvirustokillcarp

Bad, bad, bad.

Don’t do it, Aussies!  Just let it be open season for the koi, and let hundreds if not thousands of people harvest and sell these koi, which are currently experiencing some sort of fashion with the lawn and garden crowd.  And for the love of Mike, go watch a sci-fi movie or two.  They’ll tell you all you need to know about science gone bad and taking over the world, killing all humanity and ushering in End Times.  Let Bush take care of that part.  He’s da debbil anyway.

Karr not guilty? Stop the presses. Please.

Come on, the guy just needed a free ride home from Thailand.  He was there, taught school like a day, realized what horrible trolls most children are, and figured out a way to get a first class ticket home.  15 minutes of fame while he was at it, too.  Talk about VIP treatment.

I think from the first 5 minutes of news coverage, some time before Hezbollah and Israel agreed to monumental peace, some time while we’re still fighting in Iraq and that place we never hear about called Afghanistan, some time when there are about a million more newsworthy things going on, he had a pretty airtight alibi, being in a completely different state with JonBenet was killed.

Maybe he is delusional, but I think the guy just wanted a get-out-of-Asia-and-out-of-teaching-free card.  I know lots of teachers who only work a few miles away from home and they’d take the Karr option just to never have to see a chalkboard again.  Maybe he got a cash enticement from the Ramseys to boot.  Pay off his student loans or something.  In the end, no harm, no foul, and the press got like two weeks STRAIGHT of an orgy.  Shoot, maybe the media moguls paid him, not the Ramsey family.

iRant with no rants?

Yeah, yeah. I've been busy. Mainly I've been wasting time, online gaming. There's a rich field of rants to plow! But I won't rant. Mostly the rants would be about immature little boys who play the game to feel important and mock people who don't play the game as much as they do with chants of "n00b" and "l2play, n00b". It's lovely. It's poetry. Mainly, it's just little undeveloped humans who don't know any better. I honestly have to laugh when they think pwning someone in a game translates to anything in real life.

However, they deserve no rants. Rants are for adults who should know better. Adults who ignore other's rights or are downright rude. Adults who forget they share an entire world with other people. These kids, they don't know that yet. They will learn. If, probably when, they don't, then I'll rant about them. Oh yes, I shall rant mightily.

Until then, I've got pwning of my own to do.

Prez won’t rule out nukes… WTF?

Are you freaking kidding me? This is the most fucktarded thing I’ve heard in quite some time. And I’ve been working in corporate American for a while, so I’ve heard quite the stupid things more often than I should. So if diplomacy (read: threats) don’t work, we could nuke em? Read for yourself.

You know, this reminds me of a scenario I’ve seen in the online gaming community. A group makes a plan. An attack plan, if you will. But then there’s one moron who either listens and doesn’t comprehend or care, or he simply doesn’t listen. He’s Leeroy Jenkins. He’s a moron and he kills everyone with his stupidity and dumb anti-tactics. George W. Bush is Leeroy Jenkins, American President.

No rant??

Nope. Nothing to rant about today. Should I even post? Well, I can rave sometimes, too. But this isn’t a rave. How about iMarvel? Because it’s a marvel that I don’t have a complaint. I had to drive to work today with wet hair, but it’s warm out. In the 70’s!! While the northeast is buried in snow, I’m not so much having winter. I don’t even need my jacket. HA HA. Jokes on you, northern dorks.

Oh wait. I forgot my water bottle. Noooooooooooooo! How horrible. Doesn’t it figure. Boy water fountain water sucks. Tastes like someone is soldering my tongue.

No, my heart’s just not in it.

Chill

People get so worked up about things.  Is this good?  Defending what you believe in, sure.   Becoming crazed and enraged?  Not so much.

How about this.  Let’s enjoy our freedoms and faiths and beliefs and creedos and personal mission statements and lattes, refuse to bend, but agree to listen.  Be as unwavering as you please, but don’t be a moron.  Don’t remain ignorant.  And don’t waste your time or mine with useless acts of anger.

Man, life’s too short.  Plus, you’ll spill your latte.